Backseat Drivers

Have you ever drove with those people that sit in the back and criticize every damn move you make on the road? Or the ones that pretend there's a brake pedal on the passenger side with the o'shit handles? Well, just imagine that trip everytime you drive with someone. And that someone has a name.....Rachel! She's not as bad as my grandma, I mean at least she can talk and drive at the sametime. Now, my grandmother, god bless her soul, is horizontally challenged. If she looks at you when she's driving, she somehow turns the wheel in the opposite direction. Rachel on the other hand, is vertically challenged. She's all of about 5'1' and she owns a Jeep Cherokee. Thank god that thing came with it's own phone books to sit on. When I'm with her driving, which is most of the time, I try to play it cool. I don't step on my pretend brake too much and I keep away from the handle but I'm always looking beside me because from what I remember, Pac-Man used to be a video game not one you play with a vehicle.

It's pretty amazing though, because she looks cute driving(and not 90 yr old Aunt Ethel, cute) but cute as in I'm-tiny-with-this-big-ass vehicle, cute. Plus, she hasn't really hit anyone.....yet! I think the only time when she really loses focus, is when my son is in the car. Not that he's bad but just because he holds the title, of potty-mouth patrol. Anytime Rachel has road rage or actually holds a conversation(she has a sailor's mouth), he blurt's out that she just said a bad word. So, if you know her like I do, than thats every 5 minutes. Can you just imagine from my passenger side point of view, Rachel trying to control a vehicle a 100 times her size, while yelling at Nikolas to shut the Fuck up, with his potty-mouth patrol? Now, I know why they're called o'shit handles.