The Yellow-Brick Road

Now that Christmas 2005 is over, I'm starting to get really scared about how time passes by so fast. This next year has my stomach turning already. Because of that, I think I want to enter into 2006 with a bang but that's looking almost impossible in the city of Albuquerque. And since I've been dating John, I'm not too sure he'll be joining me. With his job as a police officer and his moral standings; his "bang" isn't the same as my "bang". What to do.....what to do???

That's just the beginning of my concerns for the new year, along with finally graduating college, my son's 5th birthday and starting kindergarten; a boyfriend is just a speed bump I'm trying to get over. I haven't dated anyone serious in sooooooo long, that I'm actually worried about myself. He's a great guy and we have awesome chemistry but we have a large amount of differences and I can't tell if they're going to be more positive or negative with us. I have this OCD about time management and the idea of not knowing where we might go, which really bugs me. I had this problem with Nick at first and then he convinced me to just let things happen.....that was the wrong thing or at least he was the wrong guy to do that with.

I'm not sure with all these other life changing things that are going to happen this next year, if I want to let them happen with someone at my side. There's this void inside of me that doesn't know if it really wants to be filled. Why can't I live my life like someone on the Young and the Restless because that describes me to the "T"? I'm young and restless but I don't need any drama, just maturity....with the occassional child-like qualities. I'm hoping this year will be a turning point in my life and that I'll be able to let my guard down. I have so many good guy friends that I question why I don't go for them. Oh, wait...thanks Estevan, you built a confidence in me that I find kind of conceited at times. I'm trying to get over that. But I'm still this incredibly genuine and sincere person.

I'm not going to let my A.D.D. get the best of me with this one. I'm willing to try for now because technically I'm not a quitter but I also don't like to waste time especially with something that takes time.