Apache Junction Barbie Doll

What is up with this generation of man? I'm going to be vain....my roomie and I are attractive woman. I mean the men that we decide to pursue in our lives are good looking. And pursue as in, they have more to do with us than just your Friday night cocktail or dinner. But it's those ones that we randomly meet at bars when we just want to get out of the house. Take last night for instance. After visiting a yet another attractive guy friend of mine, Nick, we decide to go have a drink and maybe mingle. The vacinity of town we were in doesn't have much in bar selection, so we went to a Country western bar called Cowboys. Maybe I was thinking the football team, Cowboys! It wasn't 10 minutes after we got in before we were approached by 2 gentlemen.....and yes, they were gentlemen, overlooking their image. I think we wear some sort of stamp on our fricken forehead (mine of course waxed!!) that says, "talk to us regardless if you have game or not". This isn't the only night that we've been approached by Napoleon Dynamite's twin brother. It actually happens quite often and that's the sad part. Anyways, they buy us a drink in exchange for a dance....that's the first time I've exchanged a drink for that!!! Of caurse, Raych gets dragged to the floor right away because I'm trying to engage in stimulating conversation with this tall yet handsome young man.....(visual) about 6'3', trucker hat (he's an actual trucker), funnel pants, large belt clip, tucked in t-shirt, goatee but its separated into two parts (kinda like horns), a bodily aroma, and all his teeth but more like the colors of the rainbow. He could've been eating skittles, I'm not sure. So, I'm respectful and grateful for the drink and continue a nice conversation with him. He goes on to tell me that his family is also from AZ but they live in Apache Junction. That explains everything. He thinks I'm the Apache Junction Barbie doll.

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, bowie knife, a 78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth-lab kit. This model is Only available after dark and can only be bought with cash, preferably small bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

I didn't want to tell him he got the wrong barbie doll. Our night doesn't end with these exciting fellows. Well, at least Raych's doesn't. She gets approached by my grandfather's vietnam war buddy. I swear I saw his picture with my grandpa on Airbourne flight 92 in 1963. After his smooth attempts to whoo her, his grandson "the boxer" comes along and steals her from pops. I literally mean he stole her. He took her so fast to the dance floor that I thought he could've been speedy Gonzales. I felt bad for her because as I was still engaged in my stimulating conversation with Mr. Skittles, she was being wisked around like a rag doll. He had a death grip on her and all I could do was look into her breathless eyes as she endured the best night of her life. Not to mention our sexy men wanted to fight after that incident. I now know why W.C. Fields said," Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 b.c." and I'm now going to stay away from the shit or at least help the ones that are hitting me, stay away from it. It gives people way to much confidence.