My Thursday Thirteen

Karen, my bestest friend (I know that's not a word!), got this idea from fellow bloggers. It's called My Thursday Thirteen and it could be a beginning to some sort of solution to sanity. Basically from what she said, on Thursday you blog about random ideas or thoughts that are going through your head at the time of blogging. So, without acknowledging the shit I tend to think about, here it goes:

1. Who the hell thought about putting elastic in women's clothing? I knew the reason I couldn't breathe wasn't asthma.
2. This better not be a migraine coming on. I didn't tell my body it could start the cycle. Doesn't it fucking listen?
3. Now I know why the elastic is squeezing the shit out of my love handles.......I'm bloated!
4. Don't people know we can all hear their conversations in this office? I don't really care that your son doesn't have enough quarters for the laundry mat.
5. This $300 cell phone that I didn't buy better not die on me.
6. Does my job really require 10 damn computer screens to be used? Now I know why I screw shit up. I'll make sure to bring that up in my weekly corporate meeting. How can I put that nicely? "Your fucking database is ridiculous and you should invest some time into improving it".
7. What the hell is that smell? It should now be a policy that if your lunch smells like shit, you should eat in the break room, not walk through the halls to your office, which happens to be next to mine. I'd spray aerosol but someone might think I passed gas!
8. I need to get my hair, nails and toes done. I haven't pampered myself in awhile. Oh, and maybe a forehead waxing, that's always a pleasure!!
9. Why the hell do I still have my Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas knick-knacks on my desk? They have now just gone in the drawer with the other shit that I don't want to throw away.
10. I just want to thank Liquid Paper for making awesome little gadgets for white out. They have saved my ass and my work still looks great.
11. The time on my radio is blinking again. Those damn cleaning people probably unplug it for shits-n-giggles. We'll see who wins this one today. That lunch in the fridge from 2 weeks ago, is going in the trash under my desk when I leave.
12. I need a really good office view. If I'm going to get paid to screw around and daydream, it should include a nice view or else I'm going to get paid to sleep.
13. I have to pee but if I get up and go, that would include stop screwing around, adjusting the elastic, gagging while I pass the stinky office, and giving the opportunity to someone I don't want to talk to, to talk to me. Fuck it, I'll hold it like I'm 5.....................