Thursday Thirteen (minus 3)......

Holy crap, where have I been??? I know, it's been a minute since I jotted my thoughts down. I was just reminiscing with my girlfriend the other day about our faithfulness to this damn site. Memories in the corner of my mind...... Ya, you need to sing it!
Any hoot.... It's been a full year and a lot has happened. I'm going to use the part of my brain that wasn't affected by high school drugs and think back to some of the incidents I encountered over this past year. These are going to be my past What the fuck's (WTF's):

1. So, sometime at the beginning of last year I left the corporate world to enter the non-profit world. Whoa, what a freaking experience that was! I never realized the attitude adjustment that took place with executives when they weren't kissing so much ass........
2. My living situation had also changed, although that was for the worse. I tend to tell myself roommates are always good because splitting the bills couldn't get any better....But WTF, couldn't I be warned that the Brady Bunch was moving in???
3. Dating, yes, dating.... We all know the problems I have with dating! This time I outsourced and went for a guy in El Paso. Again, WTF! Next time, I won't base my feelings on looks alone. The substance in that guy was like, oh, shredded wheat, a mime show, missionary style sex, golf on TV....basically boring as all hell.
4. What would be considered a SUGAR daddy??? Remember that corporate job, well what if an acquaintence from there was also an acquaintence at the non-profit job and had a tendancy to still be overly flirtatious? I mean, it's just lunch, candy, hugs and dinner invites.... Wait, he's like 20 years older than me! WTF was I thinking. I have a license in pharmacy to fill the Viagra not to prescribe it....
5. Puppy....doesn't that sound cute? What if it's a 100 lb full bred Rottweiler puppy that was raised in a tow yard by a man??? Cute, is an understatement. That damn thing was bipolar.....sweet as hell one second, cookie monster the next. WTF was I doing leaving it in the house when I left???
6. Mercedes, BMW, Audi, Volkswagen....what do you think of when you hear these German Engineered names? I know they sound like luxury to me. Well, let me enlighten you. Luxury is expensive, which means it requires the green and not just to buy it but to maintenance it. Again WTF was I doing driving something I can barely pronounce let alone maintenance..... I should've bought that damn 74' Oldsmobile from Billy Bob's Car Lot when I had the chance.
7. I like cage fighting...actually I love cage fighting! But I never wanted to become a cage fighter. Yes, me. I know I'm 27 and have never been in a fight before but at a local event, I grew big cage fighting BALLS! WTF.... where were those bad boys hiding this whole time? Some girl gets me amped up over a guy and they just sprouted. I even got kicked out....screw keeping the cage fighting balls.
8. Police officers are meant to protect and serve, right? Even the ones that work graveyard, right? Well, when you have some time between the hours of 10pm and 8am, drive around & look for some. When you find them, let me know WTF they're doing! Maybe it was just because I was dating one that he thought my ride along should be a time to show off or the simple fact that they actually screw around on duty....
9. I was reflecting back on my child's life the other day and thinking about what his future holds. When I remembered the saying that "your child will be 10 times worse than you"; but I thought that's not always true. The older he gets, the smarter and better looking he gets. Then it hit me, WTF am I going to do when he starts dating. That must be when the 10 times worse plays a factor.... Whoa, I'm I screwed for cloning such an amazing child.
10. Okay, remember how I outsourced my dating tactics to the state of Texas and it didn't work, well I did it again. But I can now say Why The Fuck didn't I meet him sooner........ He is my sunshine! I haven't felt this way in so long. Maybe this is it.... we'll see as the World Turns!!!

Thursday Thirteen

So, I haven't made much effort as you can see to dish out my life to the public. And whoa, has it been interesting!!! I figured the best way to make a come back is to enlighten myself and of course, YOU, with some of the thoughts that I've had lately. Again, these are only SOME. I tend to think irrationally on a regular basis.

1. Why is it during the holidays that one family you don't really care to visit, buys you something? Which just means you have to go to the 24hour Walgreens you've been avoiding and return the gesture.
2. Per conversation with Rachel, I found out that there's a website dedicated to talking Shit about those visionally challenged people who put up the ugly Christmas lights and fixtures on their lawns. I knew she had an issue with it but I never expected there to be a support group.....
3. Furthermore...... the 24 hour Walgreens listed above sells lights, in all one color for usually around 3/$10.00, so if you're a SPECIAL person that puts ugly mismatched lights up, then stop avoiding the Walgreens.
4. Remember when New Years used to be about making resolutions and being excited to start those resolutions. Well, if you still do that, don't share them with everyone because I will be the one who points at you and laughs when in 2 months you're shoving that 2lb piece of birthday cake in your fat face and I knew you resoluted to stop eating sweets. Resolutions are made to exist during mid-year so that you feel good about your accomplishments by the time the next year starts. Don't give me a reason to laugh......
5. I thought the 3rd time is a charm.... in the year 2006 I dated approx. 8 different guys. Of course over half were just dinner dates but what the hell happened to that old saying. I should get a fricken Emmy for proving the dumbass wrong that created the saying.
6. I officially dislike the snow. There hasn't been one night that I've gotten drunk that I haven't fell on my damn knees. I used to blame the 4 in heels but now it's the snow....... of course, it's never the liquor!!!!
7. I have nothing against lesbians but they shouldn't be allowed to fondled us non-lesbians without permission or sobriety....... Wait, it could be the snow?????
8. Could OCD be genetic???
9. I didn't make a resolution but my fat ass needs to run...............
10. I just added 4 new pairs of heels to my wardrobe and I still don't think I have a problem..... When I hit 100, I will make sure I blog completely on that!
11. Sex on the top ROCKS!!!!
12. I meant that as a drink (oops!)
13. I have a boyfriend and I'm happy......(because I'm on the top)!!!!!

Kindergarten

I haven't been so excited to start Kindergarten before.... I mean for my 5 year old to start. It's not that I want him to grow up but knowing his is, just makes me ecstatic. I love this age....okay, maybe minus the "tude" but everything else is so fun. We went school shopping and I think I liked it more than shoe shopping, well not more but it was pretty damn close. He seemed so sophisticated walking up the supply aisle, asking for things like a calculator and projector, that I was the one tugging on his shirt showing him all the cool colors and characters. I'm definitely digging our time together because I believe this is the beginning of getting to know your kids on a personal level.

So, in spite of all the shopping and getting prepared for the big day, there were other preparations like meeting the teacher, signing up for after school programs, etc. I want to start off by saying, that I believe I'm pretty intellegant. I mean I do have common sense at least. So, when it came time to meet the teacher, the message I got was, it was a parent teacher conference. Pretty simple instructions to comprehend, right. I guess reading between the lines, it meant they wanted to meet my son. Of course I didn't bring him; he's not a parental. So, everyone else had their children there, what's the big deal???? Didn't they see the "new Kindergarten mother" stamped on my forehead? How was I supposed to know that?

So, my first mistake as a mother of a school aged child. I bet there will be more. Hopefully I just don't make any soon.

Thursday Thirteen

So, in light of the situation that I seem to remain single. I'd like to share some thoughts about my recent incidents in that category. Remember I might find some of this stuff amusing because well, I haven't been AMUSED in awhile.

1. Why are men so insensitive? I don't remember there being a class that taught such a subject. Don't we learn how to act.
2. Never secretly stare or desire someone in your management team. You might just come around the corner head first and run into him. Just as you let out a little girl scream, that later you find out he said it was something from a Friday the 13th movie.
3. When you have good intentions on doing an old high school reunion with friends. Make sure you know what you're getting into. A crush that was then, could lead to an 8 year gap to marriage.
4. Why is it that the women I work with seem more interested in finding me a date than I actually am?
5. Gosh, do I really portray neediness? Maybe I should keep my mouth shut when I randomly date guys.
6. Although, their interest has lead me to talk to someone I work with..... Oh, wait do I want to do that mistake again?
7. In conversation the other day, it was brought up that I knew a hell of alot of people in high school; should I feel good about that or bad that I still don't know them?
8. I think I'm actually confused...............
9. Am I going to go through roommates like I go through dates?
10. I can't believe I went out for drinks and dancing with my best guy friend and I didn't even pursue him. I must be sick......that would also explain the confusion!!
11. Do you think a females prime could be around, oh say, her 25th year of age?
12. Oh shit, I'm going to Vegas soon, so what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!!!
13. Maybe this all happens for a reason....... and that reason is................
    

So, I haven't been into my publishing skills lately. My life has been on this rollercoaster ride, kind of like the ones at Six Flags that make you shit your pants before you get on but I got on and then it stopped at the top, so I shit myself twice. Well, it came down and I hope everything will be going a bit smoother now.

Since I haven't gave an insight to what is going through my thoughts lately, I'm going to list my Thursday Thirteen now. I know it's Friday but what the hell, we all want to go back in time, right?

1. I think they put the air conditioner down to 50 degrees on purpose because the building is filled with women and T-H-O's are the highlight of the day.
2. When you go to a local BAR and not a Rave, they should offer Vick's and pacifiers when they play techno all night or don't play the shit at all...............
3. I think I actually just fell asleep sitting up.
4. My dad will be 50 tomorrow, should I be feeling old too?
5. Even though I dislike the Laffy Taffy song, everytime I grab a banana Laffy Taffy from the desk next to me, I shake my ass and say, " Shake that Laffy Taffy." She's definitely going to smack my hand the next time I reach for one of those.
6. If my son is already telling girls he's going to kiss them, should I give him the talk that "IT" will fall off if he does? Keep in mind he's only 5 but he also is his father's son.........
7. I can't believe I'm actually seeing someone with the possibly of becoming serious. I just have one huge issue, if I wear heels I'm taller than him!!!! And his ex might cause us problems but that's nothing my best friend can't help me solve......
8. Is it bad that I want to quit my job because they moved our dept to a building that looks like a Home Depot warehouse? I need my windows, ice maker, gourmet coffee, Friday's bagels, and plush environment. I need it, I need it, I need it!!! Damn them all.
9. This may sound homo but I actually miss my old roommate at times. I guess just like I miss all my friends......... that was my sad thought.
10. I'm starting to believe after 25 time does fly by. But 30 here I come!!!
11. Sometimes I believe that when I try to not become my parents by not doing what they would do, in all reality what decisions I make, is also exactly like them.
12. I should apply for foodstamps and government assistance because today would be a good day.
13. I could use a nice, quiet, personal vacation, with no school, work or child.

Bonus: Is it wrong to want to strangle a co-worker that is extremely rude, unprofessional, and a drama-queen? Even if she is an elder...........

AGE OF INNOCENCE


Have you wondered what really determines if you've grown up? What I may think is a way of aging, you may think it's just the sign of change. Well, I found a check list that answered my questions to the fact that I am getting old. And if you read through it, I'll guarantee that you are going to feel your age. And if you still do majority of these but are in your 30's, then I might suggest that you try and grow up.............


25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of? "hook up" and "break up."

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next
door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of
one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset,
rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms
and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going
to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them
instead of asking "Oh S*$# what the hell happened?"

Bonus: 26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign
that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old
butt.

My Thursday Thirteen

I haven't had a whole lot of random thoughts but because of a few people that came back into my life from the past, I've had thoughts about, " what if"??? Basically, if I kept things a certain way in my life, what would it be like now.

1. What If I hadn't moved to Arizona when I was 12, then I might be the ring leader for 18th street gang and replacing my smudged eyebrows with a sharpie marker.
2. What If my best friend at the time didn't have a baby when she was 14 and scare the shit out of me, then it might've been me making that stupid decision.
3. What If I wasn't out enjoying my teenage years so much, then I might've enjoyed those academically correct classes I took.
4. What If I enjoyed the academically correct classes, then I still wouldn't be in college. Oh, wait that's just because I met the EX.
5. What If I loved my friend Carlos like he loves me, then I'd be touring the country with a professional PGA golfer.
6. What If I didn't have this spontaneous personality, then I'd have led a boring and uneventful life.
7. What If I could get over this small crush I have on someone named Thomas, then I might be mature enough to attempt another relationship.
8. What If I didn't have the ability to be independant with the support of my family and friends, then I'd be struggling to lean on someone and I'd be starving for attention.
9. What If I only settled for less, then I wouldn't have the confidence and desire to achieve and want more than just average.
10. What If I never applied for that Macy's credit card when I was 18, then I'd be driving a Mercedes, have 6 less credit cards and still living in AZ.
11. What If I never took my internship at ESI, then I would've lost the chance to know some of the closest friends I have.
12. What If I took a bite out of the apple sooner, then I would've never met the 7 dwarfs.
13. What If I never fell in love with Estevan, then I wouldn't know what love was and that it could create the one person that steals my breathe away.