My Motto-Dealing with the Burdens of Life

2008-04-03T12:16:00.005-07:00

Thursday Thirteen (minus 3)......

Holy crap, where have I been??? I know, it's been a minute since I jotted my thoughts down. I was just reminiscing with my girlfriend the other day about our faithfulness to this damn site. Memories in the corner of my mind...... Ya, you need to sing it!
Any hoot.... It's been a full year and a lot has happened. I'm going to use the part of my brain that wasn't affected by high school drugs and think back to some of the incidents I encountered over this past year. These are going to be my past What the fuck's (WTF's):

So, sometime at the beginning of last year I left the corporate world to enter the non-profit world. Whoa, what a freaking experience that was! I never realized the attitude adjustment that took place with executives when they weren't kissing so much ass........
My living situation had also changed, although that was for the worse. I tend to tell myself roommates are always good because splitting the bills couldn't get any better....But WTF, couldn't I be warned that the Brady Bunch was moving in???
Dating, yes, dating.... We all know the problems I have with dating! This time I outsourced and went for a guy in El Paso. Again, WTF! Next time, I won't base my feelings on looks alone. The substance in that guy was like, oh, shredded wheat, a mime show, missionary style sex, golf on TV....basically boring as all hell.
What would be considered a SUGAR daddy??? Remember that corporate job, well what if an acquaintence from there was also an acquaintence at the non-profit job and had a tendancy to still be overly flirtatious? I mean, it's just lunch, candy, hugs and dinner invites.... Wait, he's like 20 years older than me! WTF was I thinking. I have a license in pharmacy to fill the Viagra not to prescribe it....
Puppy....doesn't that sound cute? What if it's a 100 lb full bred Rottweiler puppy that was raised in a tow yard by a man??? Cute, is an understatement. That damn thing was bipolar.....sweet as hell one second, cookie monster the next. WTF was I doing leaving it in the house when I left???
Mercedes, BMW, Audi, Volkswagen....what do you think of when you hear these German Engineered names? I know they sound like luxury to me. Well, let me enlighten you. Luxury is expensive, which means it requires the green and not just to buy it but to maintenance it. Again WTF was I doing driving something I can barely pronounce let alone maintenance..... I should've bought that damn 74' Oldsmobile from Billy Bob's Car Lot when I had the chance.
I like cage fighting...actually I love cage fighting! But I never wanted to become a cage fighter. Yes, me. I know I'm 27 and have never been in a fight before but at a local event, I grew big cage fighting BALLS! WTF.... where were those bad boys hiding this whole time? Some girl gets me amped up over a guy and they just sprouted. I even got kicked out....screw keeping the cage fighting balls.
Police officers are meant to protect and serve, right? Even the ones that work graveyard, right? Well, when you have some time between the hours of 10pm and 8am, drive around & look for some. When you find them, let me know WTF they're doing! Maybe it was just because I was dating one that he thought my ride along should be a time to show off or the simple fact that they actually screw around on duty....
I was reflecting back on my child's life the other day and thinking about what his future holds. When I remembered the saying that "your child will be 10 times worse than you"; but I thought that's not always true. The older he gets, the smarter and better looking he gets. Then it hit me, WTF am I going to do when he starts dating. That must be when the 10 times worse plays a factor.... Whoa, I'm I screwed for cloning such an amazing child.
Okay, remember how I outsourced my dating tactics to the state of Texas and it didn't work, well I did it again. But I can now say Why The Fuck didn't I meet him sooner........ He is my sunshine! I haven't felt this way in so long. Maybe this is it.... we'll see as the World Turns!!!

2007-01-11T11:11:00.000-07:00

Thursday Thirteen

So, I haven't made much effort as you can see to dish out my life to the public. And whoa, has it been interesting!!! I figured the best way to make a come back is to enlighten myself and of course, YOU, with some of the thoughts that I've had lately. Again, these are only SOME. I tend to think irrationally on a regular basis.
Why is it during the holidays that one family you don't really care to visit, buys you something? Which just means you have to go to the 24hour Walgreens you've been avoiding and return the gesture.
Per conversation with Rachel, I found out that there's a website dedicated to talking Shit about those visionally challenged people who put up the ugly Christmas lights and fixtures on their lawns. I knew she had an issue with it but I never expected there to be a support group.....
Furthermore...... the 24 hour Walgreens listed above sells lights, in all one color for usually around 3/$10.00, so if you're a SPECIAL person that puts ugly mismatched lights up, then stop avoiding the Walgreens.
Remember when New Years used to be about making resolutions and being excited to start those resolutions. Well, if you still do that, don't share them with everyone because I will be the one who points at you and laughs when in 2 months you're shoving that 2lb piece of birthday cake in your fat face and I knew you resoluted to stop eating sweets. Resolutions are made to exist during mid-year so that you feel good about your accomplishments by the time the next year starts. Don't give me a reason to laugh......
I thought the 3rd time is a charm.... in the year 2006 I dated approx. 8 different guys. Of course over half were just dinner dates but what the hell happened to that old saying. I should get a fricken Emmy for proving the dumbass wrong that created the saying.
I officially dislike the snow. There hasn't been one night that I've gotten drunk that I haven't fell on my damn knees. I used to blame the 4 in heels but now it's the snow....... of course, it's never the liquor!!!!
I have nothing against lesbians but they shouldn't be allowed to fondled us non-lesbians without permission or sobriety....... Wait, it could be the snow?????
Could OCD be genetic???
I didn't make a resolution but my fat ass needs to run...............
I just added 4 new pairs of heels to my wardrobe and I still don't think I have a problem..... When I hit 100, I will make sure I blog completely on that!
Sex on the top ROCKS!!!!
I meant that as a drink (oops!)
I have a boyfriend and I'm happy......(because I'm on the top)!!!!!

2006-08-03T15:22:00.000-07:00

Kindergarten

I haven't been so excited to start Kindergarten before.... I mean for my 5 year old to start. It's not that I want him to grow up but knowing his is, just makes me ecstatic. I love this age....okay, maybe minus the "tude" but everything else is so fun. We went school shopping and I think I liked it more than shoe shopping, well not more but it was pretty damn close. He seemed so sophisticated walking up the supply aisle, asking for things like a calculator and projector, that I was the one tugging on his shirt showing him all the cool colors and characters. I'm definitely digging our time together because I believe this is the beginning of getting to know your kids on a personal level.
So, in spite of all the shopping and getting prepared for the big day, there were other preparations like meeting the teacher, signing up for after school programs, etc. I want to start off by saying, that I believe I'm pretty intellegant. I mean I do have common sense at least. So, when it came time to meet the teacher, the message I got was, it was a parent teacher conference. Pretty simple instructions to comprehend, right. I guess reading between the lines, it meant they wanted to meet my son. Of course I didn't bring him; he's not a parental. So, everyone else had their children there, what's the big deal???? Didn't they see the "new Kindergarten mother" stamped on my forehead? How was I supposed to know that?
So, my first mistake as a mother of a school aged child. I bet there will be more. Hopefully I just don't make any soon.

2006-07-20T12:54:00.000-07:00

Thursday Thirteen

So, in light of the situation that I seem to remain single. I'd like to share some thoughts about my recent incidents in that category. Remember I might find some of this stuff amusing because well, I haven't been AMUSED in awhile.
Why are men so insensitive? I don't remember there being a class that taught such a subject. Don't we learn how to act.
Never secretly stare or desire someone in your management team. You might just come around the corner head first and run into him. Just as you let out a little girl scream, that later you find out he said it was something from a Friday the 13th movie.
When you have good intentions on doing an old high school reunion with friends. Make sure you know what you're getting into. A crush that was then, could lead to an 8 year gap to marriage.
Why is it that the women I work with seem more interested in finding me a date than I actually am?
Gosh, do I really portray neediness? Maybe I should keep my mouth shut when I randomly date guys.
Although, their interest has lead me to talk to someone I work with..... Oh, wait do I want to do that mistake again?
In conversation the other day, it was brought up that I knew a hell of alot of people in high school; should I feel good about that or bad that I still don't know them?
I think I'm actually confused...............
Am I going to go through roommates like I go through dates?
I can't believe I went out for drinks and dancing with my best guy friend and I didn't even pursue him. I must be sick......that would also explain the confusion!!
Do you think a females prime could be around, oh say, her 25th year of age?
Oh shit, I'm going to Vegas soon, so what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!!!
Maybe this all happens for a reason....... and that reason is................

2006-06-30T12:55:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't been into my publishing skills lately. My life has been on this rollercoaster ride, kind of like the ones at Six Flags that make you shit your pants before you get on but I got on and then it stopped at the top, so I shit myself twice. Well, it came down and I hope everything will be going a bit smoother now.

Since I haven't gave an insight to what is going through my thoughts lately, I'm going to list my Thursday Thirteen now. I know it's Friday but what the hell, we all want to go back in time, right?

I think they put the air conditioner down to 50 degrees on purpose because the building is filled with women and T-H-O's are the highlight of the day.
When you go to a local BAR and not a Rave, they should offer Vick's and pacifiers when they play techno all night or don't play the shit at all...............
I think I actually just fell asleep sitting up.
My dad will be 50 tomorrow, should I be feeling old too?
Even though I dislike the Laffy Taffy song, everytime I grab a banana Laffy Taffy from the desk next to me, I shake my ass and say, " Shake that Laffy Taffy." She's definitely going to smack my hand the next time I reach for one of those.
If my son is already telling girls he's going to kiss them, should I give him the talk that "IT" will fall off if he does? Keep in mind he's only 5 but he also is his father's son.........
I can't believe I'm actually seeing someone with the possibly of becoming serious. I just have one huge issue, if I wear heels I'm taller than him!!!! And his ex might cause us problems but that's nothing my best friend can't help me solve......
Is it bad that I want to quit my job because they moved our dept to a building that looks like a Home Depot warehouse? I need my windows, ice maker, gourmet coffee, Friday's bagels, and plush environment. I need it, I need it, I need it!!! Damn them all.
This may sound homo but I actually miss my old roommate at times. I guess just like I miss all my friends......... that was my sad thought.
I'm starting to believe after 25 time does fly by. But 30 here I come!!!
Sometimes I believe that when I try to not become my parents by not doing what they would do, in all reality what decisions I make, is also exactly like them.
I should apply for foodstamps and government assistance because today would be a good day.
I could use a nice, quiet, personal vacation, with no school, work or child.

Bonus: Is it wrong to want to strangle a co-worker that is extremely rude, unprofessional, and a drama-queen? Even if she is an elder...........

2006-05-24T14:08:00.000-07:00

AGE OF INNOCENCE

Have you wondered what really determines if you've grown up? What I may think is a way of aging, you may think it's just the sign of change. Well, I found a check list that answered my questions to the fact that I am getting old. And if you read through it, I'll guarantee that you are going to feel your age. And if you still do majority of these but are in your 30's, then I might suggest that you try and grow up.............

25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of? "hook up" and "break up."

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next
door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of
one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset,
rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms
and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going
to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them
instead of asking "Oh S*$# what the hell happened?"

Bonus: 26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign
that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old
butt.

2006-05-18T14:29:00.000-07:00

My Thursday Thirteen

I haven't had a whole lot of random thoughts but because of a few people that came back into my life from the past, I've had thoughts about, " what if"??? Basically, if I kept things a certain way in my life, what would it be like now.

What If I hadn't moved to Arizona when I was 12, then I might be the ring leader for 18th street gang and replacing my smudged eyebrows with a sharpie marker.
What If my best friend at the time didn't have a baby when she was 14 and scare the shit out of me, then it might've been me making that stupid decision.
What If I wasn't out enjoying my teenage years so much, then I might've enjoyed those academically correct classes I took.
What If I enjoyed the academically correct classes, then I still wouldn't be in college. Oh, wait that's just because I met the EX.
What If I loved my friend Carlos like he loves me, then I'd be touring the country with a professional PGA golfer.
What If I didn't have this spontaneous personality, then I'd have led a boring and uneventful life.
What If I could get over this small crush I have on someone named Thomas, then I might be mature enough to attempt another relationship.
What If I didn't have the ability to be independant with the support of my family and friends, then I'd be struggling to lean on someone and I'd be starving for attention.
What If I only settled for less, then I wouldn't have the confidence and desire to achieve and want more than just average.
What If I never applied for that Macy's credit card when I was 18, then I'd be driving a Mercedes, have 6 less credit cards and still living in AZ.
What If I never took my internship at ESI, then I would've lost the chance to know some of the closest friends I have.
What If I took a bite out of the apple sooner, then I would've never met the 7 dwarfs.
What If I never fell in love with Estevan, then I wouldn't know what love was and that it could create the one person that steals my breathe away.

2006-05-15T12:49:00.000-07:00

Extra-Curricular Work Activities

If you go back and glance at the times that I post my blogs, you will see a slight time clash with what I call work. Meaning, I do this shit when I should be reconciling financial accounts. Don't worry, unless you're a vendor that I handle, your financial statements should be fine :>)
Now, that I have it clear on what I do at work, besides blogging, I also try to catch some zzz's but I'm running out of excuses when I get caught. Here is what I've gotten away with so far. Any new suggestions???

Best Things to Say If You Get Caught Sleeping at Your Desk
10. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got here just in time."
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new business strategy."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5."I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relievework-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice yoga?"
4. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out howto handle that big research problem."
3. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?"
2. "Who put decaf in the wrong pot?!?"

And my FAVORITE thing is ......
1. Raise your head slowly and say, "...in Jesus name, Amen."

2006-05-12T13:30:00.000-07:00

Teacher Appreciation Week

May 15-19

Remember those days when you'd get stoked to register for school just to find out which teacher you were stuck with for the year. Or in high school and college, when you chose your classes based on your alumni friends that told you which teachers you need to get. Well, I want to say thank you to all the memorable and impressionable under-paid, under-appreciated educational faculty that taught me. And "Bite this", to the ones that made those classes I had, an ocassional living hell. As I continue to succeed in life, I know one day I might have to read a speech, if it may be for a Pulitzer or Academy Award, or just a simple lecture in the janitor's hall closet; I want to have it prepared for the people who gave me the ability to lead an educated path.

"As I stand before you today, I would like to acknowledge the people that helped

me to achieve this success, in what I call my life. In 3rd grade, Mrs. Barela you combed and styled my pony tail, when my mother was too sick to do it for pictures. In Fifth grade, Mrs. Phillips or Mr. Phillips, I wasn't quite sure if you were entitled to call yourself a Mrs. but you stuck up for me when I had to go to an honors class every week and the kids would say it was Special Education. In Seventh grade, all of my teachers at Rhodes Jr. High in Arizona, for taking in a Special Ed New Mexican student. I mean Honor's student. In Eighth grade, Mrs. Lopez for being the biggest bitch and affecting the way I look at English; Mrs. York, you would've had a better impact on my science education, if you would've stopped the overweight student aide from eating the pickles we needed for our project; and Mr. Cruz for allowing my creative side to come out during art class ( you should see the tagging on Highway 14). In Ninth grade, Coach Clark for letting me try out for the freshman football team. Although, we all know a volleyball player shouldn't wear her volley shorts to practice. Mrs. Richardson, I'm glad you didn't expel me for the time you got hit in the head with a nacho plate. That would've ruined my transcript and I really didn't do it. My Tenth thru Twelve grade teachers are kind of a blur but I know you all had a significant impact on my decisions, especially Mr. Colvert, your looks made it easy to get through Government and Ms. Gervasio, I want to apologize for the times I left during Debate to get high and came back with no effort to argue. As for my college professors, my opinions and thankfulness will have to bestow another speech. As an adult your ventures with me, has given me a different outlook on my appreciation for you. Again, I want to thank you all for the direction I'm going and may it be a positive or negative way, I'll be sure to blame you all for it".

2006-05-04T14:47:00.000-07:00

MY THURSDAY THIRTEEN

( Instead of random thoughts, I'm going to list 13 addictions)

SHOES........ THEY NEED THEIR OWN ROOM. I NOW HAVE COLLECTED 63 PAIRS WITHOUT MY FLIP FLOPS. AM I PROUD OF THAT, NOT REALLY BUT MY FEET AREN'T COMPLAINING!
ACCESSORIES- INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: PURSES, NECKLACES, BRACELETS, TOE RINGS, AND SCARVES
BEER AND WINGS- IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY PLACE I GO I TRY NEW FLAVORS
SHOPPING- ISN'T THIS EVERY WOMAN'S ADDICTION AND I DO TAKE TRIPS OUT OF CITY TO FIND NEW STORES.
MUSIC- I TRY TO OWN EVERY GENRE OF MUSIC, EVEN CHILDREN'S (THOSE VEGGIE TALES ARE HELLA HILARIOUS!)
PINK- MEANING I HAVE ALMOST ONE OF EVERYTHING IN THIS COLOR. MY SON EVEN WEARS IT WITH CONFIDENCE.
SUNDAY EVENING TV- THE 2 BEST SHOWS COME ON: DESPARATE HOUSEWIVES AND GREY'S ANATOMY. GOTTA HAVE THE TIVO!!!!
SEX- BUT THAT'S ONLY IF I CAN GET SOME.
MY HAIR- IT'S A BAD HABIT BUT I HAVE TO CHANGE IT UP. SO, WHAT IF I'LL BE BALD IN MY FIFTIES? I'LL LOOK GOOD TILL THEN...........
DANCING- SOMETIMES I EMBARRASS MYSELF BUT IF THERE'S GOOD MUSIC, MY BODY JUST MOVES.
TALKING SHIT- I HAVE A SARCASTIC ATTITUDE AND I CAN'T HELP BUT TALK ABOUT THE STUPID SHIT AROUND ME.
INTERNET- DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH CRAP IS OUT THERE IN CYBER SPACE? I CAN LEARN HOW TO COOK, SEW A SWEATER, SKATEBOARD, TALK IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE AND COMMIT THE ULTIMATE MURDER, ON ONE WEB PAGE.
THE BEST ADDICTION YET......... MY RUGRAT- I CAN LOVE, LAUGH, CRY, IMAGINE, QUESTION, DESIRE, AND EXPERIENCE IN A DAYS CONVERSATION WITH HIM.

2006-04-27T13:23:00.000-07:00

My Thursday Thirteen

Karen, my bestest friend (I know that's not a word!), got this idea from fellow bloggers. It's called My Thursday Thirteen and it could be a beginning to some sort of solution to sanity. Basically from what she said, on Thursday you blog about random ideas or thoughts that are going through your head at the time of blogging. So, without acknowledging the shit I tend to think about, here it goes:

Who the hell thought about putting elastic in women's clothing? I knew the reason I couldn't breathe wasn't asthma.
This better not be a migraine coming on. I didn't tell my body it could start the cycle. Doesn't it fucking listen?
Now I know why the elastic is squeezing the shit out of my love handles.......I'm bloated!
Don't people know we can all hear their conversations in this office? I don't really care that your son doesn't have enough quarters for the laundry mat.
This $300 cell phone that I didn't buy better not die on me.
Does my job really require 10 damn computer screens to be used? Now I know why I screw shit up. I'll make sure to bring that up in my weekly corporate meeting. How can I put that nicely? "Your fucking database is ridiculous and you should invest some time into improving it".
What the hell is that smell? It should now be a policy that if your lunch smells like shit, you should eat in the break room, not walk through the halls to your office, which happens to be next to mine. I'd spray aerosol but someone might think I passed gas!
I need to get my hair, nails and toes done. I haven't pampered myself in awhile. Oh, and maybe a forehead waxing, that's always a pleasure!!
Why the hell do I still have my Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas knick-knacks on my desk? They have now just gone in the drawer with the other shit that I don't want to throw away.
I just want to thank Liquid Paper for making awesome little gadgets for white out. They have saved my ass and my work still looks great.
The time on my radio is blinking again. Those damn cleaning people probably unplug it for shits-n-giggles. We'll see who wins this one today. That lunch in the fridge from 2 weeks ago, is going in the trash under my desk when I leave.
I need a really good office view. If I'm going to get paid to screw around and daydream, it should include a nice view or else I'm going to get paid to sleep.
I have to pee but if I get up and go, that would include stop screwing around, adjusting the elastic, gagging while I pass the stinky office, and giving the opportunity to someone I don't want to talk to, to talk to me. Fuck it, I'll hold it like I'm 5.....................

2006-04-24T12:14:00.000-07:00

What the fa-la-la-la..........

Let me regergitate what my biggest problem has been in my life lately. MEN........ If my readers don't recall I have the shittest moments when it comes to MEN. Again, Am I Destined To Be Single? Sometimes I tell myself that I really don't have time for them but I wouldn't mind making the time for one. Huh??

This whole subject is brought back up because I've had some current situations that I need to get off my chest.

First off, my intention isn't to sound like tramp, but it may come across like that. My random dating sprees would give definition to that term. Although, I don't date seriously and I choose not to be sexual with all of them, so that could be why they don't stay. So, here it goes:

Nick: We have a great friendship when it comes to talking about each other's random relationships. I thought he had most of the qualities that I wanted but that's what I get for thinking, right? I wanted to date him seriously but he had some issues he couldn't overcome. I should've looked into some sort of Harry Potter potion to remedy that.

John: A good samaritan (a religious police officer), tall, good looking but boring. I mean his response to, "come over and get frisky with me", was "I will after I go to the gym and read a book". Are you serious????

Scott: A friend of my friends. He works where I used to work, so my friends know him pretty well. A great guy, tall, easy-going, cute but hasn't dated in years. I don't know if I have my cage fighting skills intact. I'm not ready to re-train someone into relationship status. Is that inconsiderate?

Kyle: Hasn't been in the picture for awhile but I'm getting these random text messages from him. I actually get butterflies with this one and I really don't know why, considering we've been friends for a yr but have only seen each other twice. But I'm assuming he big hearts me because all of his college buddies know about me, in a weird closeness kind of way. I'm just waiting for a letter in the mail, with the question, "will you be my girlfriend? check yes or no".

Jim: He originally came into the picture as my physical trainer at the GYM, hence the name. There was never a goo-goo eye look or sexual comment made at anytime. We were business professionals. That's until we both were liquored up and dancing (not very professional!). And I haven't been back to the GYM since.

So, in all retrospect I don't think I'm ready to date and I'm okay with that. I seem to find small irritations about each guy and that's a quality I need to change about myself. The good thing out of all this, is I've learned what I may be looking for in someone. Okay, that's bullshit...... but I have decided that I'm going to get mine, meaning sex. I've been on a dry spell for quite sometime now and JIM has agreed to contribute to my needs. What a swell guy???? So, being that he is a meat-head trainer, I also agreed that I'm doing this for my health. And here is my reasoning for this:

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

May all of your sex lives prosper and make you a healthier person!!!

2006-04-08T14:09:00.000-07:00

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree

Okay, so I love to blog because it gives me the opportunity to bitch and gossip about the random shit that your friends don't really want to hear. To me that's a way of therapy.... I know I feel a little more sane when I get things off my chest or have a good laugh.
Well, this weekend had it's blogging moments. When you hear the saying, "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree," you usually relate that to a genetic situation. That's not in my case.... My best friend, who I've known for 10 years, had an unfortunate incident with the car wash and her new truck, a few weeks ago. Basically causing several hundreds of dollars in damage to the front end. So, this weekend I decided, what the hell and let's copy her mistakes. I mean it's cool to be like your friends, right? So, I took my new car to a non-touchless car wash and had the antennae ripped off for fun. Now, I know why they make those damn things detachable and it only cost me $500 to learn that. I knew that little incident was going to ruin the rest of my weekend, but instead.......

my mentality after the fact was just, I now have a Jetta with a hole in the roof, which looks kind of ghetto...... why not keep the rest of my weekend ghetto? So, I made the wonderful suggestion of doing a night out of dancing but "ghetto" style. In this town that means mainly one place, Graham Central Station. At least, that is how it used to be, just a "ghetto" scene.... When I got there I realized that, "the apple didn't fall far from the tree," with majority of these people either. I mean that literally. Although, I don't think it was apples, maybe BigMacs!! Ok, so "the BigMacs didn't fall far from the tree." I wasn't quite expecting the scene that I walked into, it was like a clone of the same damn person. Oh, it was still ghetto but more of an all-you-can-eat-buffet, Ghetto. If ya live here, you know that this state is known for it's short, stocky people meaning they would be considered thin if they had another 7 inches on them. I knew Jenny Craig was next door but I didn't think that was the hang out for their after meeting get-togethers. Just so you don't think I'm trying to be a bitch, let me paint you a visual on the avg female that was there that night......... 5'0', 250+ lbs, long permed-teased-aqua net styled hair, dark brown eyeliner-lipliner-eyebrow liner, my little sisters stretch pants and tube top, very high heels with the big toe hanging over, and an attitude to compensate for the rest. That's why I talk shit.......the attitude's I got were ridiculous. So, we stayed regardless of the scene and boredom but it was only until we realized we could go home and get drunk without the mistake of having beer goggles. Because I wouldn't want to explain to the guys that we allowed them to wake up next to an oompa-loompa.
I didn't consume too much more liquor because Rachel took on that responsibility. She and Javier polished off the rest of the Yager and Parrot Bay. I wouldn't have known she was drunk until her dance moves looked a little off. And not to forget her vomiting escapades in the porcelain god, sink, trash can and floor. I didn't realize how much shit a little person can hold. But she did it with style and apologetic means. That's okay paybacks are a bitch......she thought she broke in our new house, just wait until I get drunk and I puke in my long-ass hair and she has to hold it, and then again, "the apple won't fall far from the tree".

2006-03-29T09:57:00.000-07:00

2006 Summer Courses

Int101-Intimacy 101
Date: May 3 - until you get it right
Time: 6:00-8:00 pm M-W-F
Cost: $100.00/per course
Lab Fees: $5.00/per experimental partner

Enrollment has now started for Intimacy 101 during the Summer schedule.

Have you ever had a night of awful intimacy or regret because it was uncomfortable?
Do you remember the time that kissing was simple and sexy but all you get now is wet, fast, and unwanted kisses?
Have you had a problem with being aroused by your partner, no matter how attractive they are?
Do you struggle when it comes to disrobing your partner because you lack multitasking abilities?

Description: This course is intended to teach you the basics of being intimate. It will go through a step by step process that will cover:

kissing do's and dont's
proper hygiene
removal of clothing in a easy manner
simple arousal-turn on's and off's
positions
bedroom talk

"We are here to help you with those intimate mishaps, such a sloppy kissing and bad breathe. We also include hands on training with getting turned on by the opposite sex and a 5 second approach to removing a bra. You should be able to leave the course with proper technique and confidence in being intimate."

If you feel you haven't succeeded after our course, we will not refund your money. Your only option will be to continue until it's done right because our society can't go on with this kind of behavior.

2006-03-27T15:18:00.000-07:00

My Perfect Day......
Yesterday I had a really good day........ I once told myself that a perfect day for me would go a certain way. I even used to ask the guys I'd go on dates with, what their perfect day would be like and vice versa. It wasn't until the last answer to Nick that I realized my perfect day is something that I want to experience soon. But yesterday was close to it in so many factors that I almost want to change how my perfect day would actually go now.
I went with some friends on a ride to a small town about 40 miles East of Albuquerque. Our intentions were to take the street bikes out on a nice day and it just so happened that a film with John Travolta was being filmed in NM, so we headed that way. I rode with Scot....... Scot, is someone I've known for awhile but I'm now trying to get to"know" him. It was a nice, spontaneous, adrenaline rush.... It's not like we were hailing ass but it was just the feeling of being on a bike and holding on to someone who has control of your destiny. The town we entered is called Madrid, and it was so intriguing and tiny, yet it had tons of visitors. We ate at the local restaurant/bar and of course, those places have the best damn food. They also had live music, which resulted in a dosey-doe type song and dancing in a circle around the dining area. Fricken-A I got up and joined, actually everyone did and it was so fun! We were in a foreign territory and enjoying every minute of it. After dinner, we drove through the town for a scenic route before heading back.
The night didn't consist of no fancy excursions or pre-planned rendezvous. I enjoyed every second of it. I hope this day was a good sign in my decision to finally pursue that someone. Now that I think about it, when I said that I've thought about changing my perfect day, I think I actually meant I'm going to try that perfect day. It may just be the day that I really didn't need to make things perfect!!!
Here it is:
I'd wake up at 6:00am to an empty, quiet apartment, in a king size bed with my down comforter wrapped tight around me. I'll just lie there for about 15 min and then slightly stretch across the bed with the hesitation of getting up. Making my way to the bathroom, I slip on my slippers and grab a ponytail holder. As I walk to the kitchen, I turn the TV on and switch it to ABC because I know the Today Show will be coming on. I flip on my coffee maker and put just enough for one cup. While I wait, I grab some fruit and yogurt and throw it in a bowl. It is 6:45 and I know I have 15 min to get relaxed on the couch to watch Katie Couric. Coffee in one hand and fruit in the other, with the Today Show on the tube; I know it's going to be a good day.

I barely get a 1/2 an hour in, when there's a knock on my door. Out of curiosity, I answer it and to my dismay it's my male companion (I'll name him BOB). Bob says, "Get ready we're going out for the day". Without hesitation, I head for the shower. Once I'm in, I yell to Bob to sit and talk with me while he waits. My shower probably would've been shorter but I couldn't stop laughing at the jokes that he is telling me. Clueless about our day's schedule, I get ready in a simple manner. He tells me to grab several items because the day is a surprise to him too.

It's 9:00am and we're out the door. Our journey begins with a calming hour and a 1/2 drive to the next city, while we both are bobbing our heads to an 80's music station. I see this small trendy shopping center ahead and of course, we park at one end of it. I get out, stretch, and give a glance of wonderment. We spend the next 2 and a 1/2 hours walking in and out of every little shop along the strip. There were candles, toys, costumes, books, candy, antiques, jewelry and even adult content. We played like we were 10 yrs old and didn't have a care at who paid attention to us. I can't stop laughing about the lady that gave us a disgusted look when were running around the perfume counter spraying each other with the most ungodly smells we could find. I was so embarrassed to walk with him because he smelt like a cheap bouquet of flowers. And not to mention the skit that was pulled in the costume shop; it gives me cramps just thinking about it.

It's 1:00pm and we need a break and a meal. There's this little sandwich shop on the corner that looks delish. And it was. After lunch and our amazing conversation, we decide that we don't want to drive home, so we check into a small room resort. I just wanted to sit in a hot tub and relax, while sipping a margarita. Bob didn't mind the suggestion one bit. We continued laughing about the most non-idealistic things. It was already 5:30, so wrinkles and all we decided to get out. I still had no idea what was next in the plans for the day, so I sat on the bed, with my legs curled to my chest and waited for my instructions. Bob decided to take a shower first, so I tried my comical skills on him while I waited but yeah, that didn't work. I gave up and just jumped in the shower after he was done. While I was enjoying the hard water pressure that comes with hotel showers, Bob went down to a local woman's shop and came back with this sexy yet simple black dress with these cute black heels. Only a man who listened and knew me could get that right. I was completely blown, plus I knew that meant we were doing something classy and exciting.

Dressed to impress, we head out of the room at 8:00pm, with no idea of our destination. I remember passing this quaint Italian restaurant coming into town and low and behold there was a nightclub on the opposite corner. We wait patiently for a remote table and socialize with the staff. We sit and order a bottle of red wine because that is my favorite. I order the shrimp pasta with a small portion of manicotti and Bob orders the chicken parmigiana because he knows I'll want a bite. I couldn't ask for a more perfect dinner setting and it seems endless. Our conversation is small yet satisfying. After dinner, we slowly and subtly walk over to the nightclub we spotted. Perfect timing, its almost 10pm and people are just showing up. We get inside and I suggest that we take a shot of something that he has never had, so that I may have the enjoyment of his reaction. The DJ plays this heart pounding song and I drag him to the dance floor.

The night feels like it has just started. Dancing, sweating, laughing and a few drinks to add. I'm starting to dwindle down in energy and the time has come to go back to the room. Not too bad, we get back to the hotel about 1am. Although, we can't resist racing to the room and making as much noise that'll echo through the hotel's halls. I get into the room first because I think Bob let me win but before he could kick off his shoes, I'm comfortably thrown onto the bed. He takes my shoes off and slips an oversized t-shirt on me. I slide under the covers, warm and relaxed, and whisper a small, "Thank you".

2006-03-21T14:03:00.000-07:00

MySpace.Com

When a person tells you that they're an addict, the first thing that would normally come into mind would be drugs, right? Or maybe even alcohol. What would you think if a person said they had an addiction to doing things? That might not sound too crazy. Depending on what things they were doing...... Well, I have this small addiction to late nights on MySpace.Com. Yep, you read that right. I used to think that website was ridiculous or least it wasn't for anyone my age. But once you get on it, it is so much fun. Mainly for me, because I get to assemble my own page. It's kind of like home decorating but without spending all the money and you can constantly change it. The sad part of this whole situation, is the idea of knowing that I'm sitting in front of a computer for 4 hours a night and not really accomplishing anything meaningful. Just like smoking some crack............

All I know is this shit is fun and I'm hoping to rekindle some old friendships. Okay, maybe not rekindle but find out what the hell everyone has been up to. Who knows Tiana could have more than 4 kids by now???? So, I would like to take the time to promote everyone into joining MySpace.Com......it may just kick your crack habit!!!!

2006-02-28T09:58:00.000-07:00

Grand Marquis vs Jetta Turbo

I went car shopping this weekend and let me tell you, it was the funniest experience I've had. For, the people other than my close friends, who know that I have a shopping addiction, wouldn't also know that I've pretty much maxed out my credit cards. So, in result I don't have very good credit. This makes things hard when trying to by a car, especially one that you would really want. But I went about my shopping with high hopes to getting something that I would be happy with.

All that shattered, when I arrived at Lomas Auto Mall. And yes, I'm saying the name in case any of my attractive, shopaholic friends need a car. Don't go there!!! This is why........ I was approached by your average salesman, maybe not average in height, but sales skills. I told him right off that I didn't have perfect credit and I was looking for something reliable, cheap, and somewhat trendy. He took me inside and said that he would see what he could do. As he went about his business, this old creepy man in cowboy attire, asked if I was being taken care of. I was polite and said yes, but he kept checking on me. Come to find out he was the owner. But that doesn't excuse his creepiness. So, Mario, my salesman, told me he had a car that I would qualify for. I was stoked. Keep in mind I told him what I wanted. We walk out to the lot and as we approach this rusty, old Grand Marquis, he proceeds to say that this is the car.

Whoa, pause.......rewind. Didn't I say reliable, cheap, and trendy? Who did he think I was? A member of Valley Garden's Gang. I understand he was trying to help but they wanted $7000.00 for that car, that's not cheap. It was missing 3 hubcaps, the front grill, some tint and I think a few patches on the seat. And reliable......... would they pay for my funeral when I get shot because I'm confused for Little Sad Eyes as I'm driving down Central? Now, what about trendy? Maybe he thought I was moving to Los Angeles, where this car would be a trend but I'm not. So, I go on to tell him "Hell no". He had the nerve to ask "why not". I told him first off, I don't want a car like that and plus I live with a roommate, so how was I going to fit that bad boy in my garage. I would need a boat license to keep it on my property.

He left it alone after I persisted that I wasn't buying it. But they had nothing else to offer me, except.....get this.......... himself. He asked, since he already had my number, if he could take me out sometime. I didn't think he was serious until I got a phone call from him yesterday. Maybe he can take the Marquis on our first date.

Anyway, I did purchase a car and it turned out to be a good thing. I went to University Volkswagen and low and behold my sales lady was a family friend from about 27 years ago. I got an awesome deal on a Jetta GLS Turbo, fully loaded with butt warmers. It is pre-owned but the owners were 2 flaming gay guys. You can't get any better than that!!!! So, I hope my car shopping days are over for awhile because these car lots freak me the hell out.

2006-02-23T16:13:00.000-07:00

Crash Test Dummy

So, this weekend I inherited another nickname, given to me by my best friend (besides "stalker"), which is "Crash Test Dummy". It's not really a subject to joke about considering I'm lucky to be untouched.

I had an eye opening experience and literally I mean "eye opening" because this accident is a result of me somewhat falling asleep at the wheel. Let's just say school and work took a toll on me that night. My whole purpose of getting out of this state was to relax, spend time with family and friends, and shop!! I didn't come close to any of those. If I only had a cocaine problem then I wouldn't be in this predicament. One huge rail would have kept me awake the whole time. But unfortunately all I do that keeps me energetic, is large amounts of red bull and the occasional sexual rendezvous ( too bad that's only occasional). It might've helped if I got a little riled up before my drive.

I'm just glad to be back home safe and sound. And since this was a life changing experience, I want to give my Academy Award Speech.

"I do want to say thank you to the officer that stopped and ticketed me, the cute guy named Leonard that stopped to comfort me, the drunk native americans that tried to help, the ambulance that passed right by me, the tow truck dude that picked up the parts of my car, Maricopa County for making such reliable property (guard rail), my best friend that woke up at 1am to relieve me of my stress, and Nissan for making a damn good little sports car that saved mine and my son's life".

2006-02-12T21:23:00.000-07:00

Stalk or to Stalk (verb)
A general definition of it, constitutes pursuing a person, without their knowledge or approval by making yourself present in their presence. http://www.thesleaze.co.uk/celebstalkers.html.

Well, this weekend I happened to have inherited that title. With no names mentioned, of course my friends who know me and read my blogs, will have an idea of who I'm talking about. You see, I thought I had a guy friend that had the same mutual friendship feelings that I had. We agreed, after our small dating session, to remain friends. He'd call me randomly and give me updates on his love life and there was the occasion phone messages from him with needy gestures. I'd also call him to hang out and jokingly harrass him but it wasn't until recently that I actually got worried about him. If he seems to think I'm a weirdo for doing so, then let me let you decide if he's right.

He got involved with a girl that had a few toooooo many screws loose. After, a night of drinking and her drug usage ( I wasn't around for this but it's from his mouth), they headed back to his place driving down one of Albuquerque's main roads. Here goes the good part....... she precedes to open the passenger door, while the car is in motion, and jumps outs. Yes, I said "jumps out". Kind of like a James Bond movie, but she didn't use a stunt dummy, she was the dummy. He then runs over her, I think it was partial of her leg or something but she gets up and runs to the nearest gas station. He's freaking out, she's freaking out and the gas attendant is freaking out. She begs not to have the cops called and tells him to leave. So, he does. The next day she goes into his place of work, crying, and apologizes that she's basically a weirdo.

Now, you tell me, would you still remain in a relationship of any kind with someone that jeopardized your career, your trust, your friendship, and most of all your freedom?

After getting a phone call from him about all this, I had this small part of me that remained worried. Isn't that what friends do? Well, since this happened I would periodically check to see how he was doing. I'll admit one night my message was a little more adult rated than normal but I apologized. And that night, I did get him into trouble with this week long new girlfriend. I didn't know, so I told him that I'd back away.

A couple weeks passed and I hadn't heard from him, so Raych and I, during a night of drunken phone calls, gave him one. Still no response. I waited a few days to text him and gave him the opportunity to tell me to fuck off or that he was still living. Still no response. So, of course as a friend would do because I was never told I wasn't one, I felt something was wrong. Assuming the bad isn't the best way to go but it always comes first. A few more days pass and he hasn't responded to any of those other previous attempts, so as I was coming home from the mall I noticed his car was at work. He works on the same street as the mall, so no extra attempts from me. That's when I knew he was just ignoring me. I told him that I saw his car and that I no longer needed confirmation of his livelihood and I wished him the best.

His immature response was.....you stalker. Evidently, his degree didn't define that for him. I can't believe he could be so inconsiderate and immature to not tell me in the 1st place that he didn't want my friendship and then to blurt out a response like that. You really think you see the true sides of people, who praise honesty and openness, but some people need to look in the mirror and really judge themselves. It actually hurt. I think because I thought I had a good, honest, trustworthy, mature guy friend, which is very rare(and it still is), but in all perspective it was a temporary friendship for him to satisfy his need for a female friendship until he filled it.

The part of being called a stalker doesn't bother me because I know and my friends know, that I'm a passive and patient person and that doesn't come close to a stalker, so I'm completely acceptable with that label from someone. Although, I want people to know that don't know the word-for-word detail on this whole situation, that if was to stalk someone, it would be for a good reason, like sex or money!!! And nah, that wasn't one of the reasons here.

2006-02-07T12:20:00.000-07:00

Beauty is in the eye of the Beerholder

I think we concluded after watching the movie "Road Trip" last night (because it has some fugly actors), and our experience in the women's restroom at Maloney's on Saturday, that some breeding shouldn't occur. So, our defense from now on comes from the Famous, Joey on Friends.... "When you look this good on the outside, who cares what's on the inside." God bless to all you good looking people that are breeding good looking off-spring.

2006-01-30T10:11:00.000-07:00

Moving day and more....
It's Monday and I've never been happier to see the beginning of the week. The year had started off good until about a week and 1/2 ago. I think that's because Raych and I didn't have a home yet to move into but miracles do happen. And boy, let me tell you that this one was good. In a week we found a new home and when I say new, I mean it was just built, never lived in, no sexual deeds, no vomitting parties, nothing.... But let me break it down for you on how my week went.
It started good because we got this beautiful home. Then we had to meet the 3rd party members that were handling the paperwork for the original owner and god bless them because they are family friends but they're Asian. I don't think they understood one word were trying to discuss with them about the contract. For all I know, I could have signed up for free manicures and all-you-can eat buffets.
After getting that taken care of, I'm stressing over the fact that I'm actually going to have to move, while I go to school, go to work, be a mother and find a fricken vehicle that I can use to carry all the shit I have. I could've strapped the kid, I mean the boxes to the roof of my 2-door Nissan.
While the stress factor has kicked in, my body decides to throw in a cold sore, instead of a fricken zit. I swear that's all that it is. It takes making out with someone to get anything else and if you all remember I'm not good in that area. So, while we have all these people in and out of our old house, I'm walking around with tissue stuck to my cold sore, so the impression that I cut myself shaving is in everyone else's mind. Like that's what I was going for!!
Then as I already have a full schedule, I figure what the hell and throw in a blind date....fungus and all. He had been wanting to meet, and I mean he, as in John(a new John). He's a pilot for the Air Force and I knew his schedule was just as busy as mine. So, 10:30pm on Thursday I'm out knocking back a few cold ones. I actually needed that. Too bad he doesn't know that Raych works for Kirtland Air Force Base and I had her look him up. Is that not normal???? At least I know what kind of underwear he wears....just kidding.
Now it's the weekend and we're completely out of the old house but I still have my stuff in storage, which is about 20 miles away, one way. And I still don't have the vehicle space except for my little ol grandpa's 1932 Ford. I had to go from Uhaul to Uhaul, with tissue stuck to my face to find an available trailer. But yeah, I got one. It was a Kodak moment though, because my dad(who isn't a little guy), my uncle, and I were all crammed in the front of the truck like we just crossed the border....we were just missing the colorful beads across the front of the windshield.
I finished about 5pm on Saturday and with the exception, of my father complaining about puking in the truck, my mother calling me 10 times asking if I need help after she's knocked back a few, and worrying about the tissue stuck to my lips, it didn't go too bad. I then treated my dad to a few beers, which was a mistake after he announced to the bar that his daughter had her boobs done. He sounded like Rachel on New Year's. I think he just said that because of the young guy sitting next to him. I love my father......always thinking about his daughter's love life.
So, this concludes my exciting week. I now have to finish unpacking, reorganizing and decorating. That might just be another blog. Although, Rachel might blog sooner about that subject, especially if she doesn't like where I put shit.

2006-01-22T21:24:00.000-07:00

"Quiz Me"

I had one of those days that really made me depressed. I'm not an overly emotional person but you know those days that come along that make you want to cry or get frustrated over something petty for no apparant reason. That was today. It all stemmed from that fact that maybe I'm trying too hard to hold onto a non-existing relationship. When I mentioned before that I wasn't seeing John, I meant it. But when his consistency in pet names and short text messages, with "I miss you" or " I've been thinking about", show up, what else am I supposed to think? I always thought girls(as in 8th grade) were the difficult ones when it came to relationships. You know playing games of some sort. I know deep down that I might be telling myself that I'm okay being alone, I mean I did tell him that it's not going to work out, but a small part of me, believes that's not the reason I am alone. Somewhere along the line, the men I date choose not to go on with a relationship because there has to be something I don't see about myself that they do. For heaven's sake, my 19 year sister with 2 kids just got engaged and my brother just proposed to a woman with 3 kids and no real job. I can't even get someone serious enough to give me a letter with "will you be my girlfriend? check yes or no".

I don't want to dwell on the situation but it does eat at me sometimes and I don't really know what to do. I guess this is what happens when you spend majority of your 1st dating years with the same person. So, with the lack of knowledge in dating, I decided to look other places for answers to maybe why I'm single or to how I'm perceived by the opposite sex. Knock yourself out on trying to figure out my dilimma and if you do, please leave a comment on some sort of resolution.
These are a few quizzes to give you the reader a glimpse at who I am as a person and a possible significant other.
Discover Your Sexual Personality
As a Phi, you have a good sense of yourself and your sexuality. You know how to turn on the sex appeal when it suits your needs, and have a fair amount of confidence when it comes to your sexual performance.

The Classic IQ Test
Your IQ score is 127
Your Intellectual Type is Precision Processor. This means you're exceptionally good at discovering quick solutions to problems, especially ones that involve math or logic. You're also resourceful and able to think on your feet. You place into the intellectual category as people like Bill Gates.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
A Steady Supporter
Stand by your man — that's just something you naturally do. Once you've committed to a relationship, you are a constant companion who enjoys the comfort and stability that comes from being a couple. Not quick to judge, accuse, or think the worst, you have a lot of trust (in him and in yourself), and you rarely worry about where he is or who he's with.For you, mutual respect is of utmost importance. You are comfortable and confident in your own skin, making you a great pillar of strength in all your relationships. Whether he's striving to climb a mountain or land a promotion, you have his back. Best part is, you know he's got yours too.

What Are You Looking for in a Relationship?
You're looking for a Best Friend
There are many different ways to look at relationships, but for you, finding a best friend, the one person you share everything with, is the most important. Some people focus more on the romantic image of a soul mate to last the span of time, but you probably prefer the reality of making the most of every moment of every day. And who better to live those moments with than someone who's true blue through and through?The ideal match for you is probably someone who can anticipate the next word out of your mouth and who laughs at the punch line before you even tell it. Chances are it's important to you that they'd expand your circle of friends, introduce you to new places, faces, and experiences, too. Whether this relationship is here for the short- or the long- term, you're a take-it-as-it-comes kind of person, with few expectations or fairytales to live up to. You'd take your constant companion and trusted secret-keeper over a fairy princess or Prince Charming, any day. Whether you realize it or not, there's someone out there who feels the same way about you. Like you, that someone is looking for the one person to be their best friend — both in the bedroom and out.

2006-01-19T22:32:00.000-07:00

Backseat Drivers
Have you ever drove with those people that sit in the back and criticize every damn move you make on the road? Or the ones that pretend there's a brake pedal on the passenger side with the o'shit handles? Well, just imagine that trip everytime you drive with someone. And that someone has a name.....Rachel! She's not as bad as my grandma, I mean at least she can talk and drive at the sametime. Now, my grandmother, god bless her soul, is horizontally challenged. If she looks at you when she's driving, she somehow turns the wheel in the opposite direction. Rachel on the other hand, is vertically challenged. She's all of about 5'1' and she owns a Jeep Cherokee. Thank god that thing came with it's own phone books to sit on. When I'm with her driving, which is most of the time, I try to play it cool. I don't step on my pretend brake too much and I keep away from the handle but I'm always looking beside me because from what I remember, Pac-Man used to be a video game not one you play with a vehicle.
It's pretty amazing though, because she looks cute driving(and not 90 yr old Aunt Ethel, cute) but cute as in I'm-tiny-with-this-big-ass vehicle, cute. Plus, she hasn't really hit anyone.....yet! I think the only time when she really loses focus, is when my son is in the car. Not that he's bad but just because he holds the title, of potty-mouth patrol. Anytime Rachel has road rage or actually holds a conversation(she has a sailor's mouth), he blurt's out that she just said a bad word. So, if you know her like I do, than thats every 5 minutes. Can you just imagine from my passenger side point of view, Rachel trying to control a vehicle a 100 times her size, while yelling at Nikolas to shut the Fuck up, with his potty-mouth patrol? Now, I know why they're called o'shit handles.

2006-01-13T20:09:00.000-07:00

It May Not be Webster's Definition

After writing my latest blog and the many others, I realized I could have some sort of screw loose, so I found the perfect definition for my actions. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you. Now, I wouldn't be overly concerned by this fact...sanity is a one trick pony...thats all you get...one trick...reality. The insane, however, have all sorts of options. For example: if a sane person tells you they've found Jesus, one immediatly knows to batton down the hatches and prepare for religous assault. If an insane person tells you they've found Jesus you lean just a little closer and listen intently knowing very well there is a significant chance Jesus was hiding behind the sofa the whole time. Now...am I claiming I'm insane? No. Nor am I claiming absolute sanity either...I'm normal, just like almost everyone else...sane enough to see reality for what it truly is, and loopy enough to fit that reality into my own little world...even if I have to chip the edges a little stuffing it in the box.

So, on the other hand of my dating fiascos the reality is: I ain't perfect. But, I like many of my imperfections. The reality: I ain't lookin' for perfect. Just someone who's imperfections thrill me as much as my own do. Afterall, that would be perfect...wouldn't it?

2006-01-13T14:38:00.000-07:00

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!!!

I have these moments where I catch myself daydreaming or laughing out loud about something that I've done or talked about. Don't act like you haven't done it too. Lately everything goofy that has happened, occurred with my roommate Rachel. I realized how goofy we both can be. I mean we are pretty normal girls but we definitely have our moments. And it's not just stuff that we do but what other's do that we make fun of.

Recently, Raych was having a conversation with her "not boyfriend material" boyfriend, if you know what I mean, and he told her how him and the guys make this bet. Have you heard of the clothing store The Buckle? Well, what they've been trying to accomplish is running into the store, touching the back wall, and making it back out, without being stopped by a sales person. I guess the employees work off of commission and it's been impossible for them to do. So, we both think they're completely retarded until this one stormy day...... Yes, you got it, we attempted the mission. Just picture this..... we walk casually into the store, kind of like an inconspicious pair of inspector gadgets, although we were still in our non-Buckle like work clothes. I get almost to the back wall and Raych and I have this giddy grin on our face. As I go to touch it, this salesman blurts out, "You Lost!!!" What the hell was that all about? I mean he didn't even ask if he could help us. When did this fricken game become as popular as "Tag"? It was embarrassing, especially when he threw out the 4 year old- "You Lost" line. I think thats pretty bad when the employees know about the damn game. Don't they know we're making fun of them??? Anyways, that didn't stop us... You guessed it again. We tried a couple weeks later and in your face, Eric, we did it.....nah-nah-na-nah-nah.

That's just one of our recent incidents when we took the little bus with our pink helmets...(no pun intended to anyone in that situation). We've had some real pee-in-your-pants moments. Maybe one of these nights, after we sit down to our sophisticated dinner of tuna helper and red wine, we'll write down all the shit that happened this past year. If you're lucky you might read the story about Mr. Penis in El Paso or Sporty Spice with the knee pads at The Male Review. If though, by any chance you've done something ridiculous in front of us and it gets posted, don't be mad that we laughed.

2006-01-02T11:27:00.000-07:00

Happy F-In New Year!!!!

So, my survival guide got me through 2005....let's try it again this year. I have to admit that it has started off pretty good so far. Besides the sadness my roomie was going through because of a guy.....why did God make them again??? We had a trip planned....okay maybe not exactly planned but we were going to go to Phoenix for the New Year. Then the one thing that we are both good at, which is shopping, failed us. We couldn't find shit to wear. Unless we were going to dazzle the scene with some shimmer, shimmer gold beads, on our purse, skirt, shoes and blouse. You know that 2005 style that all the stores are selling that makes you look like a fricken belly dancer. Yeah, we weren't about to roll into the club lookin-like-my-grandma. So, since we had to stay in the exciting town of Albuquerque, we did make a trip to Santa Fe to do our shopping (if that doesn't sound conceited).

We definitely were smoking.....This was one of my best New Year's so far. Again, overlooking the tears from my roommate but that wasn't until after 2am. We went to Maloney's downtown and surprisingly it was fun. There was no cover charge, awesome music, friends, and free drinks. Well, the drinks were only free because Raych had people feel me up. But what the hell, it was New Year's, right??? No matter how packed that place was, we made ourselves a dance floor, a dance table, a dance wall, and a dance pole. About 1am we decided to take a journey around downtown, half naked, in heels and drunk. We even worked our way a few blocks down to the Hilton, where the elevator got stuck on the 9th floor & we were going to the 18th. That didn't stop us from partying....we walked our drunk asses through those stairwells.

The night ended even better for me. Remember, that blog with the name Nick in it. Well, that's where I ended. Oh, yeah so I don't sound like a tramp, I'm not dating John anymore. Our differences got the best of us. But since I was dating Nick previously we kind of have a history, so I was all for seeing him. He's that kind of guy that you feel so comfortable around, no matter how sober or drunk you are. Plus, I have this little girl crush on him that I'm trying to shake because it'll just eat me up if I don't. So, I figured it's New Year's and I'm looking and feeling sexy, why not go in for the kill?? Wow, kissing him was naughty. The rest of the morning is confidential and adult rated, so I won't explain how exactly my New Year began, but it was worth every second and every feeling that went into it. I just don't see how the girl he's been talking to can treat him the way that she does.... but to-each-his-own. I'm just thankful for the friends I have and I look foward to another year with each one of them..... Rock on 2006!

2005-12-26T13:40:00.000-07:00

The Yellow-Brick Road

Now that Christmas 2005 is over, I'm starting to get really scared about how time passes by so fast. This next year has my stomach turning already. Because of that, I think I want to enter into 2006 with a bang but that's looking almost impossible in the city of Albuquerque. And since I've been dating John, I'm not too sure he'll be joining me. With his job as a police officer and his moral standings; his "bang" isn't the same as my "bang". What to do.....what to do???

That's just the beginning of my concerns for the new year, along with finally graduating college, my son's 5th birthday and starting kindergarten; a boyfriend is just a speed bump I'm trying to get over. I haven't dated anyone serious in sooooooo long, that I'm actually worried about myself. He's a great guy and we have awesome chemistry but we have a large amount of differences and I can't tell if they're going to be more positive or negative with us. I have this OCD about time management and the idea of not knowing where we might go, which really bugs me. I had this problem with Nick at first and then he convinced me to just let things happen.....that was the wrong thing or at least he was the wrong guy to do that with.

I'm not sure with all these other life changing things that are going to happen this next year, if I want to let them happen with someone at my side. There's this void inside of me that doesn't know if it really wants to be filled. Why can't I live my life like someone on the Young and the Restless because that describes me to the "T"? I'm young and restless but I don't need any drama, just maturity....with the occassional child-like qualities. I'm hoping this year will be a turning point in my life and that I'll be able to let my guard down. I have so many good guy friends that I question why I don't go for them. Oh, wait...thanks Estevan, you built a confidence in me that I find kind of conceited at times. I'm trying to get over that. But I'm still this incredibly genuine and sincere person.

I'm not going to let my A.D.D. get the best of me with this one. I'm willing to try for now because technically I'm not a quitter but I also don't like to waste time especially with something that takes time.

2005-12-22T13:38:00.000-07:00

This is a sequel to my previous blog. Evidently, my impatience for people has continued. When did the lack of consideration become a part of Christmas. First, my bitching begins with the fact that the state I live in has no other resources for shopping, other than the one mall in a 50 mile radius. And the place where I pick up my income has to be located right behind the fricken thing. I never thought I'd get this bad especially during this time but as I was coming off the freeway a lady ( that's being nice), in a mustang decides she didn't want to wait in the right lane like everyone else getting off, so she stops all other traffic in her lane to cut in front of me. Oh, hell no. I laid on the horn so hard and kissed the ass of the car in front of me, that she had no other choice but to go behind me. Of course, being a cry baby that she was and didn't get her way she tailgated me. So, I took a picture my son had colored and wrote on the back of it, " Here's my holiday spirit (because for heaven's sake I say Christmas), "Why don't you fucking wait like the rest of us". And I stuck it up to my window for her to know what I was thinking. That was only the fuse to my hyper-ventillating, for this day. I won't get into detail about the rest of my lunch period, which includes the chapters: 1.Paycheck, 2.Bank, 3.Jc-Penny's, 4. Bob's Burgers, 5. Journey back to Work......

2005-12-22T09:01:00.000-07:00

It's the voices

Surprisingly, I've actually worked for USPS, so the term "going postal" is something I'm capable of using. That is where I was headed 2 days ago. No, I don't work for them anymore....I now work somewhere worse. At least, this time of year it seems like it. And again no, it's not Toys-R-Us; it's in finance. Anyone who has ever said, "don't fuck with a person's money, is right". Especially when the clients are owed 1000's even 100,000's of dollars.

I had one of those days that I thought I was really going to just get up and walk out. And if I knew the bitching was going to continue through the next day, I would've worn a trench coat to work. But I think they got the gist of my frustration when I opened my big ass mouth. I cannot stand incompetence when it comes to upper-management. I mean is there a fricken school I don't know about that allows idiots to attend to become our future corporate america. I know what it is.....they flip a coin or maybe throw darts blind folded at a suggestion chart. Well, people it's not working and I'll tell you why. When you make a decision, make sure that's the decision you intended on making and not one you were thinking about because these things take time and effort to implement. If you're trying to close the books in a timeframe and your balance is a million dollars, don't change your process everyday to suit that days work. Because as it did the other day, it bit us so hard in the ass that we're going to be hurting for the next 2 weeks.

Because of this, I now have idiot syndrome to go with my dating-ADD and it's only been 2 months since I contracted these. For heaven's sake I'm only 25 and mentally I feel like I'm 60. Maybe I need to go back to my therapist. Yes, I had a therapist. Or maybe the retards (no pun intended) at my office can figure out what the hell the want us to do and keep it that way. I really feel like an idiot, trying to complete my job because I constantly have to ask if this is the way they want it "today". Ugh, I think I'm just stressed and overwhelmed this season and everything is a fricken irritant. I wish I was PMSing than I'd have an excuse for biting everyone's heads off. When they say, "Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them", I didn't listen.

2005-12-18T10:32:00.000-07:00

Apache Junction Barbie Doll

What is up with this generation of man? I'm going to be vain....my roomie and I are attractive woman. I mean the men that we decide to pursue in our lives are good looking. And pursue as in, they have more to do with us than just your Friday night cocktail or dinner. But it's those ones that we randomly meet at bars when we just want to get out of the house. Take last night for instance. After visiting a yet another attractive guy friend of mine, Nick, we decide to go have a drink and maybe mingle. The vacinity of town we were in doesn't have much in bar selection, so we went to a Country western bar called Cowboys. Maybe I was thinking the football team, Cowboys! It wasn't 10 minutes after we got in before we were approached by 2 gentlemen.....and yes, they were gentlemen, overlooking their image. I think we wear some sort of stamp on our fricken forehead (mine of course waxed!!) that says, "talk to us regardless if you have game or not". This isn't the only night that we've been approached by Napoleon Dynamite's twin brother. It actually happens quite often and that's the sad part. Anyways, they buy us a drink in exchange for a dance....that's the first time I've exchanged a drink for that!!! Of caurse, Raych gets dragged to the floor right away because I'm trying to engage in stimulating conversation with this tall yet handsome young man.....(visual) about 6'3', trucker hat (he's an actual trucker), funnel pants, large belt clip, tucked in t-shirt, goatee but its separated into two parts (kinda like horns), a bodily aroma, and all his teeth but more like the colors of the rainbow. He could've been eating skittles, I'm not sure. So, I'm respectful and grateful for the drink and continue a nice conversation with him. He goes on to tell me that his family is also from AZ but they live in Apache Junction. That explains everything. He thinks I'm the Apache Junction Barbie doll.

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, bowie knife, a 78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth-lab kit. This model is Only available after dark and can only be bought with cash, preferably small bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

I didn't want to tell him he got the wrong barbie doll. Our night doesn't end with these exciting fellows. Well, at least Raych's doesn't. She gets approached by my grandfather's vietnam war buddy. I swear I saw his picture with my grandpa on Airbourne flight 92 in 1963. After his smooth attempts to whoo her, his grandson "the boxer" comes along and steals her from pops. I literally mean he stole her. He took her so fast to the dance floor that I thought he could've been speedy Gonzales. I felt bad for her because as I was still engaged in my stimulating conversation with Mr. Skittles, she was being wisked around like a rag doll. He had a death grip on her and all I could do was look into her breathless eyes as she endured the best night of her life. Not to mention our sexy men wanted to fight after that incident. I now know why W.C. Fields said," Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 b.c." and I'm now going to stay away from the shit or at least help the ones that are hitting me, stay away from it. It gives people way to much confidence.

2005-12-12T10:04:00.000-07:00

Secret "nasty ass" Santa

Okay, it's 2 weeks before Christmas and I normally love this time of year. But today started the beginning of a shitty week. I almost got into a car accident on the freeway because some dumbass with a ladder on his truck used Christmas streamers to hold the fricken thing on. Come on people, do you really think that shit is strong enough? If it wasn't for my cat-like reflexes, I'd be seriously injured. I think I'm a fricken liger. That's not the worst and it's only 9:30. I get to work and in the Christmas spirit, my office is doing the whole secret santa game. I was looking forward to this because I love to shop and I love to give surprises. Hell no....not anymore. I have on my desk a small traveling hairbrush, not wrapped or in a bag. What else could it be? It's a Goody brand, so I figured it has to be a couple of dollars and that's all we were supposed to do each day until Friday. Then I take it out of its plastic cover, which kind of looked scratched up anyway, and what I saw when it came out. The damn thing has been used. Gross.....ugh....gag....hurl!!!!! I'm scarred for life. I don't think I'll ever brush my fricken hair again. I think this person forgot and grabbed the most convenient thing in their purse. That is disturbing because I'm going to see them on Friday. I just picture this lady I saw one time at Walmart, using all the brushes to see which one she liked. Maybe it's just one of those. Whoever it is has blonde hair, so I'm scoping all the nasty blondes out. Merry "fricken" Christmas to me secret santa.

2005-12-12T09:57:00.000-07:00

If you're a woman my age, then you've had your eyebrows waxed or plucked at some point. I do it on a regular basis and didn't have a probem with it until the other day. I went for my usual waxing and I even threw in a pedicure. My bad experience began when my little asian "beautician" came at my forehead with this massive amount of wax. Her intention was to go beyond my eyebrows and be spontaneous with my forehead. Did I stop her.....no. What the hell was I thinking? I figured this could be a new trend until my classmates gave a response that was nothing more than hysterics. I now know what botox feels like. I mean I can't scrunch my forehead. Ask me to smile, fine.... but don't make me look confused because my eyebrows don't move. Plus, I'm not even close to the shiny-smooth-non makeup-like forehead that I was told I would have. And I don't want to begin to describe the allergic reaction I got. Again, what the hell was I thinking? Who waxes their forehead??? Evidently, I'm going to have to continue this shit or else I'm going to have 5 o'clock shadow on my fricken forehead. Valerie was right when she said this is the stuff I do that keeps me single.

2005-12-05T13:58:00.000-07:00

Am I Destined to be Single

So, I'm 25 and like Tyler Durden the "office geek", I lead a single serving life. Where's my Marla???? Of course, not that gender. Maybe it's me. I mean I get dates like the current squeeze. His name is John and I refer to him as Robo-Cop. Well, actually my clever and comedic roommate made that one up. But wouldn't you think with a rap sheet like this: college degree, respectable family values, employee of local police dept, great teeth, training to bodybuild and no height deficiency, that he would spark all interest from me.....well, no. I literally think I only have dating A.D.D. I mean come on, how many people get bored at such a fast rate. Maybe these men have too many good qualities and I need a bad ass......wait, I had one of those and I left him too. Okay, so it is me. Do they offer therapy for someone with such a diagnosis? Or should I just continue my dating spree? I think I am destined to be single, at least for the next 10 years and then I'll hit menopause and I won't want a man for another 5 years.